The Veiled Legacy of Femininity

Blog 5 of Stolen Legacies Series

Hey Everyone,

In the previous four blogs, I looked at ways a woman’s legacy can be stolen—through barrenness, singlehood, settling in marriage, and choosing career. I’ve experienced three of those myself (and as you can probably guess, I’ve never been married). I honestly planned to end the series there.

But I kept coming back to a simple question: If a woman’s legacy can be stolen, then what exactly is the legacy?

The obvious answer is babies. Only women can physically bring children into the world. But deep down I feel that's too narrow. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has seen women who, once their children were raised, became a little lost. Or women who, even while raising kids, seemed as though they had lost themselves in the process.

Another answer might be softness, nurturing, or beauty. Most of us know what happens to a bachelor pad when a woman moves in. She brings presence. Detail. A touch that makes the space feel like a home. Men can build houses, but women tend to fill them.

In the church, the common answer is that a woman’s legacy is to be a “helpmate.” The one who supports her husband’s mission, runs the home well, and submits so that he can do “great things for the Lord.” Sometimes it’s framed as serving. Sometimes as being a Proverbs 31 wife. But the message is clear: the legacy of womanhood is usually tied to what she enables in someone else.

That message isn’t just in the church. It’s in the culture too. I was told in school that wanting to be a mom wasn’t a real career. I’ve heard, more times than I can count, that women can do anything men can do—and better. I think there's even a song about that mantra.

But very few people have stopped to ask… should we?

Because what I’ve noticed—quietly, consistently—is that femininity is under attack. Not always through force. Often just through confusion. And confusion is one of the enemy’s oldest strategies. Get people to believe a lie, and he can start chipping away—generation by generation—at the original design.

And that brings us to the real question of this final blog:

What do we actually believe about femininity—and what if that belief is wrong?

Rooted Assumption: What do we believe about Femininity?

When is comes to femininity, the messages we have received - from the church and from the culture - couldn't sound more different. But underneath the surface, they are built on the same hidden belief.

In the Church: Femininity Means Support

In the church, femininity is mainly defined as support.

The ideal woman is a Proverbs 31 wife: hardworking, resourceful, trustworthy, self-sacrificing. She runs the home so her husband can lead the family. She serves quietly so the pastor can preach. She “helps” without needing credit. And when praised, it’s often for her humility, her modesty, or her ability to carry the load without complaint.

The problem isn’t that these traits are necessarily wrong. The problem is that they erase feminine design and only value what serves the masculine mission.

We’ve misunderstood what “helpmate” means and redefined it as The only value of femininity is to help the man do his job.

That’s not partnership. That’s support staffing. And many women have mistaken that role for their purpose.

In the World: Femininity Means Becoming the Masculine

The cultural pendulum swung hard in the opposite direction. And that’s understandable. The natural human response to something that doesn’t feel right is to reject it altogether.

The women who launched the feminist movement were pushing back on devaluation—and rightly so. I’ve felt that same ache. When I tried to fulfill the Christian definition of femininity and wasn’t married, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I figured, if I didn’t have a husband to support, then I’d just support God’s mission instead. My feelings didn’t matter. My desires weren’t relevant. Only the mission mattered.

So I imagine that among the many things early feminists were feeling, one of them must have been this: If my only value is in helping a man’s purpose, then what happens to mine?

The answer they chose was equality. Equal rights. Equal pay. Equal opportunity to move life forward on their own terms. And in many ways, that was necessary. Women should be able to vote, own property, earn income, and be protected under law. But something got lost in the process.

Because in rejecting the pressure to serve a man’s mission…They decided they would just fulfill their own.

And the only way to do that? - Become the man.

Build, lead, initiate, conquer. Be assertive. Be productive. Be successful.

But underneath it all, the belief didn’t change: masculinity - building, leading, productivity, PURPOSE - is valued over femininity.

So what is true Femininity?

Re-examined Evidence: What is Feminine Energy - and Why Does it Matter

If we’ve misunderstood what femininity is, it’s no surprise that many women today are exhausted, disconnected, or confused about their purpose. We were told to be helpful, productive, and emotionally stable—but not taught what it actually means to be feminine. Somewhere along the way, femininity was either reduced to weakness or reframed as performance. And the result is that most women don’t know what they’ve lost—only that something is missing.

To recover what’s been stolen, we need to start by defining what feminine energy actually is.

What Is Feminine Energy?

Feminine energy is not about gender stereotypes or personality traits. It’s about the way someone carries life, holds space, and relates to others and to God. It is not passive. It is deeply responsive, nurturing, and relationally intelligent.

Here are some core qualities of feminine energy:

• Receiving – the ability to welcome love, support, rest, and truth without striving

• Relational sensitivity – prioritizing connection, emotional awareness, and discernment

• Emotional attunement – perceiving and responding to unspoken emotional realities

• Nurturing – fostering growth in others by creating emotional and physical safety

• Beauty orientation – valuing peace, order, and delight in everyday environments

• Rest and rhythm – embracing natural cycles instead of forcing constant motion

• Creative cultivation – developing people, ideas, and spaces with intentionality

• Atmosphere-making – shaping the emotional and spiritual tone of a home or relationship

• Yielding with discernment – responding in strength rather than reacting in control

  
  

These are not soft extras. They are vital to human flourishing. And they’re not only observable—they’re backed by science and psychology.

What the Research Says

Feminine energy is often dismissed as “emotional,” “extra,” or “inefficient.” But scientific and psychological studies consistently reveal that these traits are essential to health, stability, and relationship-building:

• Emotional intelligence: Women score higher on average in emotional recognition, empathy, and social sensitivity—traits foundational for team dynamics, parenting, and conflict resolution.

• Stress response: While men often respond to stress with “fight or flight,” women display a “tend and befriend” pattern—offering connection, safety, and group cohesion under pressure.

• Oxytocin-driven bonding: Women are wired to form strong relational attachments through receiving—not just giving—which fosters emotional healing and long-term connection.

• Nesting and home design: Studies show that women tend to organize spaces for emotional safety and sensory peace. These environments reduce cortisol (the stress hormone), increase restfulness, and contribute to stronger immune systems and sleep patterns.

• Creative and relational development: Children raised in emotionally expressive homes (which often reflect feminine energy) show better social, emotional, and even academic outcomes.

  
  

In other words: these qualities aren’t secondary. They’re foundational.

Why Have These Qualities Been Dismissed?

Many of the traits listed above—especially receiving, rest, beauty, and discernment—have been culturally labeled as:

• Lazy

• Soft

• Optional

• Inefficient

• Self-indulgent

  
  

This happens because our society, and often our churches, prize what can be seen and measured: output, performance, leadership, and sacrifice.

But the truth is, you can’t build anything worth keeping if no one knows how to hold it, stabilize it, or make it livable. That’s what feminine energy does.

And even Scripture affirms this. Ecclesiastes 5:19 (NKJV) says:

“As for every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, and given him power to eat of it, to receive his heritage and rejoice in his labor—this is the gift of God.”

In other words: wealth and purpose are not the gift. The ability to enjoy them is.

And that ability—to receive, to rejoice, to create space for rest and delight—is part of what feminine energy was designed to carry.

Society knows how to accumulate. What it doesn’t know how to do is enjoy, rest, and remain. That is what’s being lost. And it’s costing us everything from our marriages to our mental health.

Reframed Belief: Femininity Is Direction, Not Decoration

So far, we’ve explored what femininity is. But now we need to ask: Why does it matter?

At the root, most of us are looking for some form of power—not domination, but the ability to influence our lives, relationships, and future. We want to know we’re not helpless passengers. And for women especially, that desire often goes underground, surfacing as anxiety, burnout, or the pressure to perform.

So I asked the question, "How is power generated?" In every system of power - whether it be electrical, relational, or biological - movement only happens when there is difference.

• Electricity flows because of polarity - a positive and negative charge (not sameness).

• Water becomes power when it moves from high to low - differentiation (not duplication).

• Conception happens through two bodies, not through self-replication.

So in every case, power comes from contract, not copying.

When I was researching for this part of the blog, I had a "wow" moment when I read that movement was mentioned when I was looking up power. I never thought of power and movement in the same sentence. So that brought the question, "What exactly is power?"

In physics, power is defined as:

The rate at which energy is transferred or converted.→ In other words: Power = energy in motion.

Energy in Motion. Knowing Power is movement made me look at everything differently. No wonder it is so easy to either support masculine energy or embrace masculine energy. Because masculine energy looks like movement as it builds, initiates, leads, produces and it is related to purpose and wealth. it's visible and measurable and therefore celebrated and respected.

But there is a verse in the Bible that states (I'm paraphrasing) when God gives someone wealth AND the ability to enjoy them (some translations add "and good health" emphasizing not just productivity, but the ability to rest and enjoy) this is a gift of God.

Masculine energy is related to wealth. Traditionally men were the providers for their families so this makes sense. But we don't talk about the feminine energy related to health - the ability to rest and enjoy - as being the other side of that equations. most of us don't even consider health unless we are in pain.

We have all heard stories of someone rich and famous who died young and was never able to rest and enjoy that wealth. One of the most notable was Steve Jobs, but there are many examples.

So we all know we need health to enjoy wealth. But we just discussed that power is movement. What does rest have to do with movement?

Fun Fact: Science show us that movement plus rest equals progress.

A physical example of this is childbirth. labor is driven by uterine contractions (movement) - but it's actually during the periods of rest between the contractions that allow real progress.

• According to the Cleveland Clinic and birthing research, contractions tighten the uterus to open and thin the cervix - but the rest between the contractions is critical to promote blood flow and energy recovery for both the mother and the baby.

• This blood flow is essential for several reasons

  • Oxygen for the Baby - During a contraction, the uterus tightens and temporarily slows blood flow to the placenta (kind of like squeezing a garden hose). If contractions come too fast or the uterus doesn’t fully relax, the baby can miss out on oxygen—which can lead to distress. Rest allows blood to flow freely again, giving the baby time to “catch their breath.”

  • Energy for the Mother - Labor is like running a marathon—your uterus is a muscle working hard. Just like any muscle, it needs oxygen-rich blood to stay strong and keep going. Without rest, mom can tire out quickly, making it harder to push later on.

  • Clearing Out Waste - Muscles produce waste (like lactic acid) when they work. Blood flow helps flush that waste out. Without those breaks, waste builds up, causing more pain and less effective contractions.

  • Supporting the Placenta - The placenta is your baby’s lifeline—it brings oxygen and nutrients. It depends completely on healthy blood flow from the mother. Too much stress or not enough rest can weaken that connection, which could cause problems for the baby.

  • Balancing Hormones and Managing Pain - Rest supports the release of oxytocin (which keeps labor progressing) and endorphins (which help ease the pain). But if contractions are too strong or constant, the body can flood with stress hormones like adrenaline—which actually slows labor down.

this illustrates a simple functional truth: rest isn't the opposite of movement - it's part of movement's rhythm. Feminine Energy - or rest - is not passive. It is the space in which healing happens, creativity emerges, and vision clarifies. Which in turn allows masculine energy to move again - fresh, grounded, and sustainable.

I heard a saying in one of my favorite movies. "The man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head in any direction she wants to." Can you guess the movie? (My Big Fat Greek Wedding... love that movie :).)

At the time I only thought the statement was a joke. But now I believe this is true. I believe if the power of masculine energy is movement, then I am thinking the power of feminine energy is directional.

Here's why.

It is only when we are at rest that we can gain wisdom.

• The brain’s prefrontal cortex (responsible for decision-making, reflection, emotional regulation, and wisdom) works best when the nervous system is calm.

• Under stress, the brain shifts control to the amygdala—our survival brain. It activates fight, flight, freeze… not reflection, discernment, or long-term thinking.

• Rest allows the body to return to parasympathetic mode—the calm state where information can be processed, memory consolidated, and insight gained.

There is more evidences but you get the idea. It is when the body is in a restful state that one can ask questions, reflect, and discern. Therefore feminine energy is essential to gaining wisdom. (Fun Fact: Wisdom in the Bible is personified as a woman.) Feminine energy slows things down in order to feel, observe patterns, ask in the movement is aligned with truth, etc. This is why Scripture links wisdom with qualities traditionally associated with femininity - Discernment (Prov 3:21), Listening (James 1:19), Stillness (Psalm 46:10), and Nurturing understanding (Prov 4:6-7). These are not passive traits, but prerequisites for wisdom.

I'm not talking about knowledge. School gives you knowledge. Wisdom is the integration - knowing what to do with what you know.

And once you know, you make different decision. Thus the reason feminine energy is so important as it is needed in order to gain wisdom in order to determine the direction of the movement (or power).

Reflective Invitation: The Veiled Legacy of Femininity

There’s a reason Sabbath was the command Israel broke the most. It wasn’t because they lacked devotion—it was because they didn’t trust that rest would lead to life. They feared that if they stopped moving, everything would fall apart.

But rest—true rest—isn’t the absence of movement. It’s what allows us to see where we’re going. It’s not passive. It’s discerning. And for women, especially, that kind of rest is where our legacy begins to reemerge—not as support staff to someone else’s mission, but as the wisdom that makes power life-giving.

In this series, we’ve looked at the ways a woman’s legacy can be stolen—through barrenness, singleness, compromise, or over-identification with success. But now we arrive at what’s been veiled all along: Femininity is not about what you produce—it’s about what you preserve. It’s about the ability to sense what’s unseen, to question what’s unexamined, and to discern what leads to life. That is not extra. That is essential.

Power, by itself, is just motion. And motion without wisdom creates discontentment, anxiety, relational strain, and chronic exhaustion. But feminine energy listens beneath the surface. It doesn’t create the power—it guides it. It determines whether the energy around us will lead to chaos or peace. Distraction or clarity. Noise or fruit.

This is why rest matters. Not because it earns anything. But because it reveals everything.

We live in a world that exalts energy—but forgets direction. We’ve been taught to move—but not to reflect on where our decisions have led us—or question whether the life our disciplines created is one we actually want.. And without reflection, we can’t access the wisdom that leads to changing direction in order to realign with what’s true.. And without alignment, there is no peace. No joy. No life.

So if you’re trying to recover your legacy, don’t start by trying to move forward.

Start by asking: What kind of life am I moving toward?

And does it match what God actually calls good?

I hope you all have a great day!

Jacqueline Marie